A simple place to capture the moments of my crazy life

Warning! 18+

on October 26, 2010

Do you ever wonder why some days are tougher to get through than others?? It’s like there is this invisible force out there, that just sucks the life out of you more some days. Well let me tell you it’s really starting to piss me off. You know the days I’m talking about, the ones where things really don’t go right, but they also really don’t go wrong? Or the days where you get stuck inside your own head, worrying about all the things that are going on in your life?? The kids, the money, the dogs, the dirty house, the kids, the money, the dogs, the dirty house, and then there are the other things that spin around in there as well, what to have for dinner, why am I so fat, does he really love me, why are my kids so different, you know, the kids, the dogs, the money, the dirty house. Those messed up thoughts that spin and spin and SPIN around in your freaking head, making you want to grab a hammer and SMASH the shit out of your skull to try and get it to stop. Yeah those days are really starting to PISS ME OFF!!! Why can’t the voting be like it always is, why can’t I go to the gym, who gives a shit about the election, why are kids so mean to each other, why is Keisha sick, why is Danielle so sad, why is Lacey so f**ked up, you know, all those thoughts, why is Mya so super sensitive right now, why is Olivia so grumpy, why the HELL can’t my girls just fit in??? What have I done wrong, why aren’t they cookie cutter kids?? Why can’t I just be a better mom, why is the house so dirty. Yeah THOSE thoughts, spinning all day long. The answers??? Oh boy, they spin just as fast as the questions some days.

Today (meaning Monday), started like any other day, wake up, girls are in the shower, I come downstairs for some coffee, Peter is making his breakfast, life seems … **shrug**, ok for a Monday morning. I’m thankful that I didn’t have alot to do today, well other than clean the dirty house, which wasn’t likely to happen, but I knew that, so it was somewhat accepted. Then the little feet start coming down the stairs, Mya is a little touchy, but manageable, Olivia, was actually helpful, which is shocking especially in the morning, Keisha, my poor little peanut came down with a a full blown snotty nose cold, and then Danielle came down. BLAH, with her solemn face on, you know the one, the typical 12 year old face, disintereted in the world, (I don’t do well with this face), and she lays her head down on the kitchen counter???????? WTF??? I know what’s going on … she’s looking to stay home from school. She was anxious and miserable all weekend, but of course when you try to talk to her, there is NOTHING wrong and everything is fine. I ask her what’s wrong, and the reply is, I told you last night. Yeah this doesn’t go over well with me, and I tell her to get ready for school. This is greeted with eye rolling, a large exasperated sigh and slight stomping of the feet and wet eyes. At this point, I would like to stand on top of the kitchen table and SCREAM “WHAT IS WRONG NOW!!!!!”, however, I know that this would not be a productive reaction, so I choose not to react and just wait it out. Peter on the other hand doesn’t do quite as well, when she plunks herself down at the table with her breakfast, I told her to just go back to bed, she gets extremely weepy then, asking WHAT DID I DO??? Blah, wrong reply, Daddy, loses it at this point, YOUR MISERABLE, you have been all weekend, just go to bed. She sits firmly in her chair and starts to eat her breakfast. Peter is reading the paper, I’m drinking my coffee, and she looks up and says, SO and SO doesn’t want to be my friend anymore!! EUREKA!!!! The light goes on … she’s been holding this inside since freaking FRIDAY!!!! ** insert mother smashing her head off the table smilie here** Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me, what’s the issue. Then it all comes out!!

This is turning into a short novel, and it’s 12:25pm … I have to work for 10 hours tomorrow …. so I will finish it later … but ugh!!! I am sick of watching the people I love hurt because of others, or themselves. Good night!

4 responses to “Warning! 18+

  1. Meg B says:

    We had a similar experience – the DH’s parents kept avoiding our questions about how things are back home. Finally found out my FIL was let go from his job, which we actually saw as a blessing, but they kept it from us so we could enjoy our trip. It’s SUCH A HUGE relief when you finally figure out the problem!!!!

  2. lauriewe says:

    {{HUGS}} today, I pray will be a better day

  3. Tracy L says:

    Believe me when I say I know exactly where you are coming from. My heart goes out to you, I wish you a happy day ((HUGS))

  4. Mommy & Zara says:

    Big hugs and virtual kisses are being sent your way. Hope today was a better day.

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